At 7 weeks postpartum, in a sleep deprived haze, I decided to write down my experiences as a Mum. I felt so overwhelmed and I desperately needed an outlet. It took me months to admit to doing this, so much longer to allow anyone to read it, and with my daughter about to turn 10 months old… I am finally taking the step to post what I have written.
The delay has been for so many reasons. Foremost, I became a Mum. My days were lost in a whirlwind of nappies, bottles, wind and desperately looking for some sort of pattern or routine to the madness (for my own sanity). It is amazing how such a small human can easily consume 24 hours (all of them!).
Crippling self-doubt didn’t speed up the process either. I wasn’t proud of the way I was feeling; I wanted to be bossing it and I really didn’t feel that way. I didn’t want to admit how hard being a first-time Mum was, because no one does, and how much I had underestimated the physical, hormonal and emotional challenges. I spent days (and nights obviously) in tears and other than being so exhausted, I just didn’t feel like I had a reason. I now had the most fulfilling job in the world, but my God, it is HARD!
I was also worried about what people would say, and still am. Am I letting my fiancé and daughter down by admitting to the struggles? Would people say I had failed and am a bad Mum?
The realisation came after a lot of encouragement, support and badgering from friends and family. I am not letting anyone down. I dearly, dearly love being a Mum; my daughter is my everything and has been from day one. It hasn’t come without hard work and there are blue days. Once I stopped giving myself a hard time and spoke openly and honestly about how I felt, I found other Mums were feeling or had felt similar. We were all hormonal, exhausted Mums just starting out on an adventure and we needed each other’s support. We all experience different challenges; colic, breastfeeding, traumatic births, reflux, sleepless nights etc. but the most important point, none of us are alone.
As a Mum, to other Mums; be kind, be supportive, be Mumderstanding.