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Sex after childbirth

Stitches and sex after childbirth.

WARNING

If you are prudish, stop reading here… we are embarking on the number 1 taboo subject… sex (said in hushed tones).

Your pre-pregnancy, perinatal and postnatal sex lives will be undoubtedly completely different, and I found that our relationship needed to adapt to these changes within a short timeframe… just 9 months.

Pre-pregnancy, we had an active, enjoyable sex life… more fun than I’ve described, promise! We had no responsibilities, bundles of time and we were full of energy… we didn’t understand what true sleep deprivation was.

So, we had a lot of sex.

Then I fell pregnant…

Inevitable when you think about it.

And our sex lives changed.

I suffered severe morning sickness and later, pelvic girdle pain whilst pregnant which dramatically reduced my sex drive.

I also became huge… baby and chocolate to blame! Once you stop being able to fully participate and feel more like a beached whale, you don’t feel particularly sexy or desirable.

Towards the end of pregnancy, sex was a rarity except on my due date to attempt to induce labour… and 12 days later she arrived, so clearly it worked… sense the sarcasm.

After 22 hours of labour and a shit load (pardon the pun) of pushing, my vagina was so traumatised, I thought I would never want sex again.

You are advised to wait 8 weeks anyway, not really a lifetime!

Now it is certainly true that I did not think about having sex for a while. In fact, the pain below, plus my stitches made me scared of sex after birth and until it didn’t hurt to pee or poo anymore, I thought we’d never have sex again.

I want to linger on this point for a moment.

After a vaginal birth, of course you will be fearful of anyone or anything going down there!!!

I had 2^nd degree tears and was stitched. It did feel weird (not so much painful) to pee and I was terrified of washing with shower gel and just pointed the shower head in that direction for fear of pulling my stitches out… I had heard some horror stories.

Also, my pelvic floor muscles were non-existent and so I figured I needed to sort myself out, and be a Mum, before we re-introduced sex.

It didn’t take as long as you think.

Within a month your vagina may have begun to feel like it’s healed and you may even have got your head around Motherhood (slightly).

You may even have had SOME sleep.

What surprised me the most… my sex drive was back, with a vengeance!

We waited until the recommended 8 weeks and even though I was scared of sex after birth, I was counting down the days. I was excited for sex and I didn’t think I’d feel like that again.

Ultimately, I’d missed sex… but even more than that, I’d missed being ‘us’. I missed the closeness, the time when you could be the only two people in the world… or more (no judgements on preferences here).

No more soppy stuff…

I was apprehensive to say the least, but the first time felt different. Not painful but just like there was more room…sex after birth feels loose… EW!

I definitely needed to do more pelvic floor exercises.

BUT

The most important factor, it did not hurt! Even after that many stitches!

I was so relieved that sex was something we would be able to enjoy again.

A year on, we have the best sex we’ve ever had.

Unfortunately, we don’t always have the time or energy to have sex as much as we used to but when we do make time for it, it is better because we are closer now. Becoming parents has made us closer.

It doesn’t happen this way for everyone and it is not to say that it comes without hard work, or that we will be in this place forever, but we do place importance on time for us and time for sex.

There is the added issue of my new ‘Mum bod’ and overall lack of body confidence and how that has affected our sex lives, but that is a whole other blog post to come!

Regardless of what the future holds for our sex lives and no doubt I’ll let you know, sex after childbirth for the first-time really is not as bad as you think.

Just remember, do your pelvic floor exercises…it makes all the difference!!!

What your colleagues without kids don’t understand.

I went back to work when our daughter was nearly 10 months old, in January 2020.

The thought of going back to work was difficult. I was loving my time just me and my baby girl. We were in a good routine with sleep and meals and had a packed social life.

I felt like I was having to go back to work at the worst possible point. I felt like I was beginning to suss out Motherhood.

It had taken long enough!

We were sleeping, I was less hormonal, we were enjoying our time together. We had formed an amazing bond and now I had to leave her. I felt like I was missing a limb without her.

Had someone asked me to go to work when she was just a few weeks old I may have welcomed the break… although the guilt would have prevented me.

I knew I was going to struggle but I didn’t realise that my colleagues would make me feel worse.

Being a working Mum is hard regardless of the situation you return to but there were added reasons in my case.

Firstly, I didn’t have a proper role to return to. You are supposed to return to work to a role which is equal to the one you left… that certainly didn’t happen in my case and in many other’s I know. I was left largely feeling like I was a spare part. It is even harder to come back to work when you are no longer needed but they can’t get rid of you… I felt undervalued and worthless.

That was a difficult feeling to comprehend when you have only felt needed as a Mum. Needed to a point that your head may explode but with that comes the unbelievably amazing feeling of being the centre of your baby’s world.

I do realise that my situation was unique and hopefully most Mums would not feel that way.

What I do think Mums can relate to is how colleagues without children don’t help you. They don’t understand, but how can they? I didn’t understand what it was like to be a Mum before I was one and I really didn’t understand what it was like to work and be a Mum!

5 things your colleagues without kids do not understand:

You have not just had a years holiday.
You have still used your brain during the last year.
You have done a whole day’s work before you get to work and will have a whole day once you get home…
You DO want to work but you are wracked with guilt because of it.
You are doing the same job as them on MUCH less sleep.

I hadn’t considered these before I had a baby, or even when I had a baby but before I went back to work.

Why would you?

Can you expect people to understand?

Should they? And would it make a difference if they did?

Why should they understand my level of exhaustion when I’ve been up all night but get into the office at the same time as them?

Why should they understand the level of planning it takes just to get here?

Why should they understanding that I run out of the office at 5pm because I miss my baby so much, but I won’t sit down until gone 8pm…?

How can they understand how hard I work to strike a working Mum balance?

All of these are down to my choices and I really am not complaining. I am lucky to have a flexible job and be a Mum.

I have chosen to have a baby and have chosen to go back to work.

But then, it is always nice to be understood…

When my 18-year-old male colleague, who lives with his parents, tells me that he is tired…I choose to smile. He will understand one day. He doesn’t need to understand now.

I try not to make a big deal out of these issues… for the most part I work with younger men who wouldn’t understand or older men whose wives stay at home so still don’t understand.

I just wish they did sometimes…

The other Mums I work with get it and say that I used not to. It is a cycle.

I hope that your colleagues do understand and if, like me, you are returning to a largely male environment in the city, I hope this gives you an insight into what you might face.

Even if they don’t understand, I do, and we can always meet for a wine … that will make it all better.

A working Mum blog by the working Mummy.

What is it that we really feel guilty about?

I heard a quote today which made me think:

“Guilt over the little things usually means a bigger issue is troubling you” (source unknown).

This made me consider my situation as a Mum and my constant feelings of guilt, as I know so many Mums can relate.

We talk about “Mum-guilt” as though it is our oxygen. As though it is part and parcel of becoming a Mum. I know I certainly feel guilty every time I leave her to do anything.

I feel guilty when I go to work. I feel guilty when I do anything for myself or for us as a couple.

It is like the feeling never ends. It is completely and utterly draining…as if we don’t have enough to worry about.

But what is it that we really feel guilty about? And why is it such a normal part of our vocabulary as Mums?

It would be so, so easy as parents to stay in and not do anything else. To ‘just’ be ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’, and yet it wouldn’t be easier. In fact it would be so much harder in the end.

So, if we feel guilty about the seemingly smaller things? What is the bigger issue that we are battling with?

Firstly, I think it is my need to do EVERYTHING for my daughter myself. Otherwise I feel like I am failing as a Mum.

When Isabelle was first born I had a compulsion to do it all myself and I ended up breaking down in tears with exhaustion because I needed to look after myself more, in order to look after my baby.

I have learnt to accept help, especially from Ryan, as caring for our daughter is half his responsibility and he is so, so good at it but this still doesn’t come without guilt.

If Ryan were to get up in the night with her instead of me, or get up on a Sunday morning with her (which is our routine), I am still overcome with guilt that I spend the rest of the day trying to make up for it.

I have had to learn that it is okay for others to help look after Isabelle, healthy in fact, for both of us… but I still have some way to go.

I believe, after a lot of consideration as to why I am so hard on myself, is not necessarily guilt because I leave her but because I enjoy my time when I do.

That was actually really hard to type…

The guilt comes from feeling like being at work is a break. I have never worked so hard since becoming a Mum and when I’m in the office I can have a hot cup of coffee, go to the loo undisturbed, have a lunch break. No one at work whines, pulls my hair, cries at me or needs their nappies changed. Even if I do work with some serious man babies…

Because of this, the guilt at leaving her, especially for a reason which isn’t work, is overwhelming.

I have to work but I don’t have to leave her otherwise.

This weekend I have left her with Grandparents and her Dad to get my nails done, go wedding dress shopping and have a date night. It all fell at once.

I feel horrendous about it and I feel even worse because I enjoyed all of those activities.

I have to tell myself A LOT that it is normal to feel slightly guilty but all Mums need to be nicer and kinder to themselves.

I, like all Mums, work so bloody hard.

It is good to have a break, have time to yourself, and make sure that you do enjoy it!

None of it makes you a bad Mum.

Dealing with postpartum anxiety.

Anxiety had never really been something I’d suffered with until I became a first time Mum.

I had always felt slightly anxious in social situations but I wasn’t prepared for what hit me.

The minute I became a Mum, I felt anxious about most things; feeding, burping, being up in the night, my daughter’s general well-being but I also experienced anxiety for no reason and it could hit me at any point.

I remember when my daughter was around 5 weeks old, we took her to a café one Friday afternoon. We just had a coffee and she was soundly sleeping in her pram, in the corner, out of the way.

Suddenly I could feel my pulse rising, I began panicking, feeling flustered and breathing heavily with that awful knotted feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t work out why. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t even awake…

It was around 4pm on a Friday afternoon and the café we were in sold alcohol and a table (quite some way from us) began filling up with young men who had finished work and were drinking. They were getting loud and the louder they got, the more uncomfortable I felt.

I kept telling myself everything was fine but I became more and more panicked and we had to leave quickly. My daughter was still asleep, completely unaware that Mummy was feeling so anxious we had to leave.

The feeling continued even though we had left.

I had been in a situation where I feared for my daughter’s safety, even though we and she were absolutely fine but I could not control how I reacted.

My postpartum anxiety continued most days after that. I would become anxious about my partner going to work the next morning or about leaving the house the next day. I even get anxiety now each night before I go to bed and my daughter is nearly 11 months old.

I believe the trigger was a lack of control. Becoming a Mum changed me and my routine completely and suddenly I had a small human being completely relying on me for survival and I honestly didn’t know what I was doing. Sleep was out of my control, she may not feed or burp and leaving the house didn’t always go to plan.

My anxiety has improved over the months because of the following steps I have put in place:

1). I have had to learned to “go with the flow” and lessen my need for control.

Every morning when I wake up I say to myself “whatever happens today, happens”. If the day doesn’t go to plan, that is okay, I did my best. You can’t plan everything, especially with a baby.

2). I leave the house.

Being in doors, especially with a young baby, is harder sometimes than going out. Especially when they are at an age where they require a lot of attention. During my maternity leave I made sure we had a loose plan each day of something we were going to do. This may be meet a friend, go to the park, go to a baby class or simply a walk round the block. Knowing that I had something to do the next day, even something small, kept me relaxed… once we actually made it out of the house.

3). Make lists and tick things off.

A day with a baby, especially if you’re implementing a routine or trying to leave the house, takes planning and whilst a plan may not always work, it is good to know what you need and when things need to happen (even if they don’t).

I used to write down her routine (until it became second nature… or then changed!) and I used to write lists of everything I needed to leave the house, to ensure I wouldn’t forget anything.

I don’t think I needed these lists for anything other than managing my anxiety. It helped me stay calm.

4). I wrote a diary which became my blog.

By writing down my experiences and feelings I felt as though I was off loading my fears and worries onto someone, without having to. It helps me process my emotions and keeps me calm.

If you do suffer from postpartum anxiety, no matter the lists, plans or meditation, it still may hit you at any time.

If you find yourself becoming anxious, remember to stop, breathe and focus on one thing in particular, perhaps just look at your baby’s face and breathe. The feeling will pass and the most important thing to remember is, your baby is happy and healthy and not in any danger.

If you do feel this way, please talk to a health care professional, a friend, your partner. So many parents, not just Mums, suffer in silence when they don’t need to. There is help out there.

For more information see todays parent.

Time to bond with your baby.

A few days old. I remember feeling overwhelmingly that I would do anything for her and yet not knowing what to do.

I read something recently on an Instagram post which said, “that wave of love you feel when you first hold your baby”.

I wasn’t even surprised. There seems to be a societal expectation for Mothers to feel this rush of love and have this instant bond with their baby and if they don’t, there is a pressure on them to pretend. A pressure to pretend that you are loving being a Mum (first time or not), a pressure, which I feel, guilts you into silence. You agree to smile because if you don’t, you feel like you’ve failed. Like you’re the only one, like you’re a bad Mum. It is often how Mums feel when they can’t let out their emotions…

For months, when first becoming a Mum, people would ask me, “isn’t it amazing?”. The answer was in the question. How could I disagree? Eventually I started saying “it is hard work”, which was the truth and yet avoided the awkwardness for the other person. Heaven forbid they actually wanted to hear me moan. I suppose, we’ve all been there. It seems like a right of passage to struggle… but why?

It is this societal pressure on Mothers which inspired me to write; it was my outlet. Like having someone to talk to without admitting how I was feeling inside.

As time went on and I became more secure and confident in my own abilities as a Mum, I am now outraged by anything which puts pressure on Mums to feel any way. Whichever way you feel, is okay.

There is a huge pressure on Mums to feel that overwhelming rush of love when you first hold you baby. Many don’t and any posts, anywhere, which suggest that is the norm are totally unhelpful.

Honestly, I don’t even think I struggled to ‘bond’, but simply that survival was the priority. I know it wasn’t a rush of love that I felt first but a rush of relief. A relief that my baby was safe and healthy, a relief that the pain of labour was over, relief that I was alive.

After 22 hours of labour, no sleep for days after, a baby sucking my nipples until they bled, and stitches in second degree tears, bonding was so far from my mind. We just had to get through the day… and night, at that point.

I loved my daughter, I would have done anything to keep her safe, happy and healthy but it didn’t come in a rush and it didn’t feel it was “the best”. That can take time and that is okay!

When my daughter was about five weeks old and smiled at me for the first time I did feel a rush come over me; we had bonded and I hadn’t even realised it. She was mine, my world, my purpose but also having her was the biggest challenge I had ever faced. It is okay and perfectly normal to take time to bond with your baby and to not feel “amazing” all of the time. Maybe you did feel that rush of love and a bond straight away, and that’s fine too. There is no right way.

Regardless of your experience, the expectations on Mothers to feel a certain way is unhelpful. No wonder we have an issue with maternal mental health.

We should be saying to Mums; it can be tough at first, you may not feel how you expect to, but all of that is okay. Talk about it, openly and honestly, free from pressures and judgements. It does get easier, you will turn a corner, if you did ever feel like you were struggling. Please, please, please, do not be pressured into silence.

The more we speak up and out, the more people will #mumderstand

The early weeks of Motherhood and when we FINALLY turned a corner.

You can handle anything on a good nights sleep and it will come, even if in phases.

When we first brought our daughter home, we had weeks and weeks of crying, screaming, not sleeping… me and the baby that is! I actually think most of the crying came from me after a while, from exhaustion. It isn’t just tiredness; it was a feeling I had never experienced before. People talk about being “tired” as parents but you don’t understand the extent of it until it’s you. True sleep deprivation… it’s no wonder it is used as a torture method.

At the beginning our daughter had day and night round the wrong way. What was not helpful, after more than a month of 5am bedtimes, was when someone would say “do this”, or “do that”. I WAS DOING THIS AND THAT! In fact I was doing anything humanly possible to change it but it took time. It all takes time, nothing with a baby happens instantly which is why patience is key… something I’ve really had to work on. People’s advice was, of course, offered with the best intentions with people genuinely trying to help but it doesn’t feel that way to a hormonal, exhausted Mama. We’ve all been there. That feeling will pass too.

I remember so clear the turning point that I could even give you a date; that is how much it meant to me. I didn’t realise at the time but 9 months on, I know it was at that point we turned a corner because I will never forget it.

It was April 2019, the evening that series 8 of Games of Thrones was due to air at 2am. It was so normal for us to be up at that time that I just assumed we would be watching it. My now fiancé had gone to bed earlier and set an alarm for just before 2am… because he couldn’t risk spoilers the next day on Twitter… yes, I am serious. That night I had managed to settled her around 11pm and at 2am his alarm woke me up! Luckily not the baby but I was fuming. Furious is an understatement. He asked me, “are you going to get her up and watch GOTs?”, I said NO! I wasn’t waking her, what if this is the night she sleeps through and not just between 5-10am!

She did just that. I was stunned, elated, emotional (what’s new?), just simply ecstatic. That’s not to say that she is now a champion sleeper, we have good nights and bad nights. She is now 10 months old and I am sitting at work falling asleep at my desk because she’s woken me during the night screaming for 4 nights in a row. Last week she slept 12 hours a night for the whole week… it is ups and downs and with experience, I know it comes in phases, I can cope with exhaustion now.

It was in that glorious night in 2019 that I knew that she could sleep and would, if not all of the time. It gives you a glimmer of hope and a bit of rest. With that bit of rest you feel you can handle everything else.

I learned patience during that time and also not to beat myself up. I sat many a night in a dark, lonely living room just crying because I so desperately needed sleep. There will be so many Mums who can relate but I am sure you know that you are not alone. I didn’t know that but I do now. My heart still sinks now when I hear her on the monitor in the middle of the night. I get up and pray that she just needs her dummy… it feels selfish but it is okay, it’s human. Who really wants to be up in the middle of the night?! Unless you have a cocktail in your hand!

I can’t promise that you and your baby won’t go through phases, mine does… I told her only this morning that waking me at 4.45am was not acceptable but she ignored me, so we got up before 5am and I went to work at 7am. Hope she had some nice naps today… I haven’t! ha! But every bad, exhausting phase will pass and you will feel better.

You’ll rarely sleep when they sleep, you just won’t (that’s your time), but it is sound advice if you can… failing that, get yourself a LARGE coffee, some chocolate and sleep well at night Mamas, if you can xxx

Finding your way in a community of online Mums.

“There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women” – Madeleine Albright.

Social media is a fantastic way of communicating and connecting with new Mums. You can connect with people all over the country, the world and most importantly, in your local area, where you can end up meeting other Mums. The Mums I follow on social media are a great source of motivation and keep me sane, knowing that I am not alone in the challenges of being a Mummy.

Social media can also be a Mum’s worst nightmare. I never joined any specific Mum groups on Facebook until recently and never asked questions online, which I think takes courage at the beginning. I was so worried about being criticised for my parenting and I know a lot of other Mummies feel the same and are so careful about what they post.

Celebrities experience trolling constantly but actually everyone is vulnerable to it. Unfortunately there are nasty people online who are quick to shoot someone down from behind their keyboard or phone. It is cowardly. A woman could post on a group for advice and get annihilated. Someone who is emotionally vulnerable, who may just need some kindness or support is now in an even worse position because of someone’s vile judgement.

I have heard stories from other Mums of what has been said in these groups and messages they have been sent online.

A friend of mine, with her second child, was considering weaning her baby from 4 months and was unsure what to do first. Ultimately she knew her baby, read the signs but like so many of us, myself included, she doubted herself. Understandably so as weaning is a daunting experience. So, she posted on a Facebook group and the comments she got were horrendous but not only that, someone directly messaged her! She was told that she was a bad Mum for “stuffing your baby full of shit”. My friend was crushed. All she needed was another Mum to understand and say “you’ve got this, you’re doing a great job”.

There are two deeply upsetting parts to this. Firstly, the very natural feeling of a Mama doubting herself and just wanting to do the very best for her baby, but all Mums need to remember; you know your baby! Give me someone else’s baby and I would need very specific instructions, as we all would. All babies are very different and you know yours. Try not to doubt yourself, but when you inevitably will, always turn to a close friend, your Mum, your partner. They will pick you up.

Secondly, the need for other Mums or women to be unkind to each other shocks me. We are all committed to doing our best at the hardest job ever. It is scary, overwhelming, emotional, relentless and SO, SO, SO special. Why not admit how hard it is to be a Mum and so offer support and only kindness to other Mums?

Madeleine Albright once said “there is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women”.

There is nothing more special than being told that your child is happy and content. It means you are a brilliant Mum. If you ever have the opportunity to say that to another Mum, say it, it will make her day, just like it would make yours.

We’ve all had crap days, we’ve all been there and we all need support. If you find yourself following a page or commenting on a group which makes you feel uncomfortable, unfollow! You do not have time for that in your life. There are the most amazing Mums on Facebook and Instagram who can become your Mum community, you just need to find them.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to other Mums and be #mumderstanding. Their crap day today could be yours tomorrow.

We are so lucky to have happy, healthy babies.

We should never forget how lucky we are to have our beautiful babies; happy, safe and at home. Some aren’t so lucky.

I was watching a TV programme recently about families who had just had babies. They filmed six families, no 2 the same, every baby different and each set of parents handling it differently. No shock there!

There was one couple who had twins via surrogacy, who for 3.5 episodes out of 4 absolutely smashed early parenthood; those were their words!

SPOILER. That feeling didn’t last.

But for those 3.5 episodes I was SO jealous. They had TWO babies and in one episode managed to cook a full chicken roast dinner… the closest my fiancé got at the time was a KFC drive through.

Fun fact – Izzy’s first trip on the way home from hospital was to KFC.

Suffice to say that by the end of episode 4, albeit once one Daddy had gone back to work (alternating shifts), they didn’t find it quite so easy… which made me feel a little better and not like such a failure in the end!

Another couple had a gorgeous baby boy, who, within a few hours of birth, had contracted Step B, meningitis and septicaemia. I sobbed. Luckily, and thankfully, he improved dramatically after intravenous antibiotics which was given into his skull… I could not even imagine what those parents were going through. My heart was breaking for them. That beautiful moment when you bring your baby into the world and theirs turned to hell. Thank God he was okay and we saw him taken home in the same episode.

The Meningitis Research Foundation website gives a lot of information including signs and symptoms of meningitis and septicaemia in babies and toddlers.

I immediately wanted to go to my baby and hold her. I must have been delusional at this point, from the crying and the late hour, as Isabelle has never been one for cuddles!

DISCLAIMER – it was gone midnight before I finished watching and Isabelle was asleep. I didn’t wake her. I was emotional, not stupid!

I just had this overwhelming feeling of relief for those parents and feeling so, so grateful to have my daughter, healthy and safe in her own bed. Guilt quickly followed because I complain when she doesn’t sleep, screams at me or shits everywhere and all I should think is how lucky we are.

Obviously that isn’t realistic, life takes over, but it is important to just stop and appreciate what we have and how unbelievably lucky we are to have our children. We are blessed.

My daughter shows me how blessed I am every day. I will remember that the next time she wakes up at 2am… promise…!

No shame in shitting yourself.

Labour, postnatal anxiety and the days in between.

A lovely “early stages of labour” picture…

You’ll be forgiven for thinking that this blog post will be about labour… I can see why you might think that.

We may as well start there though… get it out of the way…

I was asked multiple times after giving birth whether I pooed myself during labour. Why are people interested this?! Especially men?! Regardless of how often this topic is discussed (it will usually be brought up whilst you are pregnant), I was still embarrassed to be asked. Possibly because in the aftermath of childbirth I was still traumatised by the whole experience. My answer was, “I was so out of it, I don’t know”… lets just say if it does happen, it is not a surprising eventuality considering you are pushing a baby from your arse. Yes, that is what it feels like. If you are reading this and know that this is a question you may ask a new Mum, just don’t. In fact, PISS OFF!

Now that is out of the way… literally, on to the main topic of this post. Fear.

Being a new Mum is daunting enough. Getting out of the house takes planning and thinking ahead. “Will I get from point A to B before she screams at me for a bottle?”, especially when, at the beginning, the screaming can occur at any time. Come Sunday night, the anxiety sets in for the approaching week. It dawns on you that you face the impending week alone. You are not alone but you are lonely, even if you see people every day.

When my partner went back to work after 2 weeks of paternity leave, I shat myself. Again, not literally, but I was terrified. The nights were lonely anyway but I was so exhausted and still in pain and I wasn’t ready to go it alone. It is usually at this point that visitors and guests dry-up too. The bottles, nappies and crying were still new and I couldn’t see that it would become second-nature; it felt like hard work and I was worried that it was just me that felt that way. We had a problem with wind and not a funny problem. What if I couldn’t burb her and she just screamed for hours?! It sounds ridiculous to write it down but I was genuinely worried.

I can tell you, knowing what I know now, it will feel natural in a few months and whilst you won’t believe me right now if you are in the midst of it, those months will pass in a haze. It will be like it never happened, which is when you’re ready to do it all over again.

There is no shame in feeling anxious about approaching a new week or a new day alone. We all get that Sunday night feeling whether we’re new Mums or not. It is a tough job and two parents share the load with both supporting each other. I experienced the “Sunday night anxiety” for a few months until Motherhood became my natural way of life, and then eventually, fun. It was around the 5 week mark, when she learnt to smile, that my days felt brighter and she would wake up and smile at the sight of my face. It made me realise that all of the hard-work was worth it. They love and trust you and now you need to trust yourself.

You are not alone in feeling anxious or fearful. You are not failing and it is okay to admit it. Be open about how you feel and you will find other Mums (and/or Dads) feel the same.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to others and know that everyday, no matter how lonely or low you feel, you are not alone! This feeling will not last forever.

Read more about my breastfeeding experience or going back to work after maternity leave.

When you feel like the worst Mum in the world.

When Mum-guilt gets the better of you, remember that you are enough.

Some days are just blue days. There doesn’t even have to be a reason but being a Mum can just be overwhelming. Everyone has “down” days where you’d love to hide under your duvet with a huge bar of galaxy chocolate and Friends on repeat. Unfortunately, as a Mum, you are not allowed these days.

You can’t even genuinely be ill. It sounds dramatic, even selfish, but it is how I have felt. It is true. You can’t ask your baby for “10 more minutes” and hit their snooze button. Oh, if only babies had snooze buttons… pause here to fantasise! You can’t get up and just get ready, have a cup of coffee or even dread the day ahead. You haven’t got time. You have a small, adorable, gorgeous, squishy little human who relies on you completely. You are the centre of their entire world. It is amazing yet totally inconvenient and requires some serious acceptance. Enter feeling like the world’s worst Mum.

Some days you’d really like to do all of the above and on a good nights sleep… what is that?!

Whenever you have those days as everyone does, yes, even a Mother, remember we have all been there. When you reach this point, remember that you will still struggle up, go to their side, take in their smile at the sight of you, cuddle them, and breathe in that gorgeous baby smell. Feeling the bliss knowing that they are yours. Then you will trudge on with the nappies, bottles, weaning, teething, naps (or lack of), playtime, bath time, dinner, bed etc. etc. etc. You will do it every day, no matter how “blue” the day is. For that alone, you are a super Mum. A Superwoman!